As a woman in my mid thirties who is trying to be healthy, crafty, and PICTURE PERFECT IN EVERY GODDAMN WAY I do love me some Pinterest.
If you aren’t familiar, Pinterest is a visual search engine that features content from a lot of sources, but mostly pretty blogs. I’ll skip a long explanation and just describe it like this:
The Perfect Eyebrow tutorial!
Mason Jar errythang!
Cartoon Themed Birthday Parties!
And so much more!
This post contains affiliate links to finance my many many mason jars. For more info on affiliate links, click here! Your support is much appreciated!
While Pinterest has been the source of many amazing recipes, frugal living tips and other general “aha!” type shit, there have also been many things on Pinterest that did NOT work out so well for me.
Now just to be clear this isn’t a “Pinterest fail” type of post… Instead of describing my tragic experiences making rainbow cupcakes what I AM going to do is come after your faves.
That’s right- I am going to talk about the way some of the most popular things that have trended on Pinterest did not live up to my very lofty expectations. These are things that have a rabid fanbase too (*ahem* bullet journals *ahem*) or are just generally popular and beloved by so many people that I thought there MUST be something wrong with me to have had such a different outcome.
I present to you: My Pinterest Shit List.
Mason Jar Salads
Let me tell you about one of the times I tried to hop on the healthy living strugglebus and saw this super cute idea for twee little salads in a jar.
I dragged ass to the store and stocked up on mason jars, veggies, everything I needed to create these little beauties for myself. “I’ll take them to work” I thought, feeling quite pleased with myself as I assembled 5 days worth of these salads and lined them up in my fridge in a pretty little row.
Cut to day 1 where I nearly starved to death because Mama needs a lot more food than will fit in a fucking mason jar.
Which brings us to Act 2, where I took the other 4 jars and promptly dumped them all into the biggest, baddest serving bowl I had because life is too short for tiny fucking salads.
Have you heard that saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”? Well the shame is on me because this is the part where I fell for that mason jar bullshit AGAIN.
Now to get things crystal clear, I actually adore mason jars. I use them for smoothies, spice mixes, and to catch household ghosts.
However, not only are they too small to hold a decent sized salad, they are completely not to be trusted to make your breakfast for you.
Overnight oats are when you put oats in a jar with some yogurt or milk or whatever and voila! Add toppings and you have this amazing little breakfast that the jar makes for you (or something like that).
Considering the sheer amount of new jars that I had purchased to make those bloody salads I thought “oh hell, I’ll give it a go”.
SHAME. ON. ME.
I don’t really know what to say other than these were gross. I know so many people who eat these every day and love them. I don’t get it, but I am a good friend who tries not to fucking judge. But I’ll be damned if I am going to trust a glass jar to do the heavy lifting on my breakfast again.
Sheet Pan Dinners
So this one surprisingly did make the list even though I actually love sheet pan cooking and do it all the time. However I make it just for ME.
Sheet pan meals are when you take a bunch of food, put it on a sheet pan and cook it in the oven. Easy peasy right? As I said, I actually do this a lot- I will chop up veggies and roast them, drizzled with some olive oil and spices- YUM! I have never done this with meat on the pan as well because I’m not a huge meat eater, and I question how things will turn out if done all together- things take different amounts of time to cook. However the biggest barrier for me is the reality of feeding my whole family this way.
You see, I have 5 people in my household, including a teenage boy and a husband. Add my appetite to that, then factor in the kids, and I am over here having a big fucking laugh at all the folks claiming to feed their family off a goddamn cookie sheet.
In order to replicate this my cookie sheet would need to be bigger than any damn oven I have ever seen. When I do sheet pan veggies for myself I FILL an entire cookie sheet, put it in a large serving bowl (as you can see she gets some good use round here) and eat it. By myself, no sharesies.
Ugh this one pains me, even more than the rest. All of the things on this list I WANT to love. And I want to love the bullet journal most of all.
I look at them constantly, I think about them, they are like porn for my hot mess, disorganized soul.
I am dying to be a bullet journal person. Deep down I know that this, THIS is the system that will give me planner peace.
So after many months of research and oggling them online, I spent a gross amount of money on the perfect book to use, fancy ass colored pens etc. I had my ideas, my layouts, everything was all planned out.
A dramatic re-enactment of what happened next:
“Oh fuck I made a mistake, do I white it out? I cant white it out… I got IVORY paper! Ok, just try to ignore it. My hand is shaking, am I sweating? Who turned up the heat? Oh shit, I forgot to add that thing, maybe I should start over?”
Here’s the part where I wake up and it’s been three weeks, I haven’t eaten or showered and my children are wandering door to door in diapers with soot on their faces like they walked straight out of a fucking Dickens novel.
I Still Love You Pinterest
Even though I get the feeling that this may only be Part 1.
Tell me about your Pinterest experiences!