If you were to ask most people what they plan on doing once all this is all over, you may get answers like “go to the pub”, “go to the beach”, or “lick a stranger”, but a surprising chunk of us stuck in lockdown with our families might be fantasizing about the classic “fake your own death to avoid your family” scenario.
Of course, we love our families, but it’s hard to coexist with other people in the best of times and these are decidedly NOT the best of times. Far from it, in fact. People are simply not their best, and sorry to say, that includes you to a friend.
With the added responsibilities, disruption in routines, and close proximity we find ourselves in, marriages will be tested, mental health will be affected, and bitches will be Googling the earliest legal age to emancipate the fuck out of these kids.
However, despite the obvious challenges, there are a few things you can do to “quarantine-proof” your family.
The first relationship we’re looking to tackle? The one with your fucking spouse.
Step 1- Make sure your partner is someone you can tolerate.
Now, obviously, this is something that needed to be accomplished pre-quarantine, and although it sounds straightforward, picking a partner that is tolerable for the long term is actually more difficult than you’d think. Unless you have a time machine, the absence of this first thing might make the other steps far more difficult (sorry).
Step 2- Cut them a break.
It’s a fucking pandemic. Again- people are not at their best. Does that give them carte blanche to be a dick? Hell no. BUT… having a little bit of understanding that they might be struggling and cutting them some slack can go a long way.
You might see them focusing on strange things, or being more tired than usual, or spending more money. Anxiety can manifest in any number of ways, and so the person you know might be acting differently than you’re used to. Just be aware of that.
Step 3- Remember that they aren’t fucking psychic.
Most of the complaints you see about spouses have to do with the division of labor and efforts around the home. Of these complaints, there is typically a large chunk of folks who haven’t bothered to actually speak up about their needs or expectations. The fact is, your partner is likely not a fucking mind-reader (and if they are, buy me a lotto ticket will ya?).
Should they know they aren’t doing enough? Sure. But there’s a big fucking difference between being thick and oblivious and being a willful asshole. at least give them the chance to show you which they are.
Step 4- Be “here” for them, but also be “over there” for them.
Whether your partner is an emotional wreck or a strong silent type, we ALL need someone to be there for us sometimes. let your spouse know you’re there for them and keep the lines of communication open so that they’re aware that you’re available for support.
On the other hand, being in close quarters like this is a fucking nightmare. Unless you enjoy having fights about dumb shit like spoons, make sure you’re giving each other enough space to breathe.
Step 5- Be aware that any simmering issues are sure to be enhanced/brought to light/potentially get bigger.
If there’s one thing this whole global pandemic is good at it’s exposing fuckery. This can be on a national systems level, on a personal level, and on an interpersonal level. How this affects your relationships is that any nagging issues are bound to grow and get dragged into the light. However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it can be good to look at the darker side of things in order to grow or learn or whatever. Regardless of the outcome, facing difficult things is often a good thing in the long game.
What About YOUR Responsibility?
Although marriage is a partnership, there are some things YOU can do on an individual level to keep on top of surviving this lockdown with your partner.
- Take time for yourself
- Be honest about your feelings
- Be clear about your needs
- Take care of your mental health
- Stop trying to do it all
- Reach out if you need to
- Pass the baton
- Keep communicating