I’m sure you’re familiar with that phrase “with great power comes great responsibility”.

It is truly important that each of us use our voice, and any platform we have available to us to speak out in the face of injustice and lies.

It is with this in mind that I bear the heavy responsibility of sharing with all 7 of my blog readers the truth about chickpeas.

This post contains affiliate links to fund my avocado toast habits. For more info on affiliate links click here. You rock!

roasted chickpas on a pan

What the Fuck is a Chickpeas

Chickpeas are legumes, which are full of nutrients and shit that are super good for you. Chickpeas are a legit source of protein, which makes it a dope part of vegan and vegetarian diets. Additionally, eating shit like hummus and roasted chickpeas are a good way to get your snack on without filling up on empty garbage calories.

Chickpeas would be truly amazing and a perfect 10 if they didn’t taste so fucking vile. Chickpeas are gross little bastards that want to ruin your day by tasting like shit while infiltrating your Pinterest and Instagram feed.

Chickpeas are shaped different than every other bean and I think maybe that’s why they are so nasty. They have body issues and take it out on our tastebuds. They look like tiny strange dumplings and taste like fucking chalk. They also seem to have this weird gelatinous jacket they wear to hold in their evil. So when you pop open a can of chickpeas and rinse them, their horrid little skins sometimes fall off and just sort of jiggle in your sieve.

I have tried making them a few different ways because I I WANT TO LIKE THEM SO BAD, and here were my results:

As taco filling: I used to say “It would take a lot to ruin a taco!” but now I know it only takes one thing-chickpeas.

Roasted: Tasted ok but would have been better minus the chickpeas.

In a salad: Salads need things to make them better, not worse, and this aint it.

Hummus: Is the Devil’s paste.

With these experiences in mind, I have created a few recipes for the chickpea hater in your life.

Chickpea Recipes that Don’t Suck

chickpea salad

Chickpeas on the Shelf


  • Can of chickpeas
  • Grocery store shelf


  • See chickpeas on the shelf.
  • Keep on walking, like the Good Lord intended.

Chickpeas Without Borders


  • Chickpea dish of your choice
  • An envelope
  • 1 International Stamp


  • Make something with chickpeas, be super disappointed.
  • Feel guilt to waste your meal because there are people out there who are hungry.
  • Send your meal to one of those hungry people.
  • Wait patiently for them to send it back.


Chickpeas on Another Bitch’s Plate


  • Roasted chickpeas
  • A friend (mine would be the lovely Honest Kirsty)
  • A plate


  • Go out for lunch with your friend, she orders chickpeas, you do not.
  • Listen to her rave about how great chickpeas are.
  • Nod your head to be friendly while being woke to the fact that she is wrong.
  • Feel blessed that the chickpeas are on her plate, not yours.



I Googled “I hate chickpeas” and and “chickpeas are gross” and found a very underwhelming response which shows me that my very correct opinion might be unpopular. I was surprised and fully expected to find a robust hater community on par with that of Cilantro.

I anticipate chickpea lovers will be eager to tell me how wrong I am and to throw recipes at me which I actually wouldn’t mind since I really do wish they weren’t such shit.

How do you feel about chickpeas?



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  1. ChickpeaLover April 17, 2018 at 7:22 am

    Pahahaha! Hilarious! Man, you must really hate chickpeas alot eh. I think they are tasty little bastards, like most of the internet it would appear. Bit they have a time and place and on a taco is not that place!

    1. MandiEm April 17, 2018 at 7:33 am

      Tacos are not to be fucked with

  2. floweringink April 17, 2018 at 8:12 am

    This, “They also seem to have this weird gelatinous jacket they wear to hold in their evil. ” is bloody brilliance!!! You are one gifted and funny lady!

  3. LA April 17, 2018 at 9:13 am

    Sorry…love chickpeas. Had them in a soup last night. Ground up they’re delicious with olive oil. Roaste$ with oil and salt they’re great snack. Long live chick peas…

  4. After The Party April 18, 2018 at 5:54 am

    I’m a fan of chickpeas. Sorry. But you know what I do hate SOOOOO much? Beets. Beets can just go extinct for all I care. Blech!

  5. Lis April 19, 2018 at 2:50 am

    I had to follow you based off this post…anyone so passionate about their hatred for a food deserves my undivided attention! x

  6. Skinny And Single April 20, 2018 at 11:17 am

    K, I fucking hate chickpeas… The first chickpea was reported 7500 years ago, and they even hated them back then.

    1. MandiEm April 20, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      It was a simpler time

  7. iwannabealady April 20, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    I’m a fan of the chickpea, but I can appreciate a good rant like no one’s business.

    1. MandiEm April 20, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      😂😂 I’m passionate about negative things I guess

  8. Lucy At Home May 24, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    This is hilarious!I am not a fan of chickpeas either so I really like your recipe ideas! And my favourite line = “They have body issues and take it out on our tastebuds.” That made me laugh!

    And somebody loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Congratulations! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

  9. The Midnight Goose July 28, 2018 at 11:45 am

    This sounds like my wife and I. I love chickpeas, she hopes we one day find out that they cause cancer. “Chickpeas On Another Bitch’s Plate”???? Why didn’t I think of that first? It could’ve been the title of my autobiography!

  10. Diane Kennedy October 15, 2018 at 11:10 am

    I googled “chickpeas are gross” and was not disappointed. You are a talented comedic writer and 100% correct about garbanzo beans. 🤮

    1. MandiEm October 19, 2018 at 12:10 pm

      Omg thank you! Glad I’m not the only one lol

  11. Not a fan of chickpeas November 12, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    Thank you for writing this! I also Googled “chickpeas are gross” and found this article. It made me laugh because it’s so relatable. I attempted to have a mashed chickpea sandwich for dinner tonight, but it ended up being the garbage can’s dinner since I couldn’t make myself finish it. Chickpeas have a strangely sickening smell and taste that is, in my opinion, similar to fish that’s been sitting in the sun for too long. I wish I liked them because they’re an excellent source of plant-based protein, but they’re utterly unpleasant.

  12. chickpeahater January 6, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    This gave me life. I hate chickpeas and feel the same way. Thank you for putting it so brilliantly!

  13. Erin Aliperta January 12, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you for this post, I hate chickpeas as well and wish I could honestly like them, it at least hummus.

    1. MandiEm January 12, 2019 at 5:22 pm

      Omg same! I cant tell you how hard ove tried to like hummous

  14. Skye February 18, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    Bish I’ve never felt something so much in my life and I’ve lived this air sucking life thinking /I/ was a disgusting, alonealone, chick pea. Thank you.

  15. Todd June 29, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    I keep seeing that stupid hummus commercial with the people singing about it……Gross! Then I found this.
    First time that I loved something that included chickpeas, Thank you.

    1. MandiEm August 7, 2019 at 8:43 pm

      No problem! They’re really awful lol

  16. Don't make me log into some random site to comment January 30, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    Thank you, you have validated my life. As someone who recently changed their diet completely, I decided to add chickpeas to a salad. My friends have said they’re good, everyone knows they’re healthy, and I have a coworker who could pretty much drink hommus. However, when I bit into a forkful of salad, I was genuinely curious how a rabbit managed to shit in it.

    1. MandiEm March 14, 2020 at 4:12 pm

      This is my favorite comment of all time

  17. Lisa Marie Johnson March 29, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    OMG!! WOW, The author or writer of this article MUST’VE had their life ruined by chickpeas lol, I mean WOW!
    The swearing and the UNEDUCATED talk from this person was simply overwhelming, out of control & context.
    Without taking a poll or survey of – “How many people like chickpeas or Do you like chickpeas” , It’s safe to say or claim that NO OTHER PERSON or people – Have Hatred towards “Chickpeas” , not as though this poor soul has.
    Lol – Man. Please get a grip, pull yourself together. It’s going to be ALRIGHT lol

  18. Skinny And Single March 30, 2020 at 5:50 am

    Yes she did. Her life was completely ruined by chickpeas, maybe have some sympathy.

  19. Tavi Jen April 11, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    I guffawed heavily reading this. I’m on a new vegan journey, and realized that I don’t like beans very much. Especially chickpeas. I despise those f***ers. I bought a bunch of cans, and can’t return them because of COVID-19. I’ll hold on to them, so come November, I can give them to the library to take of late fees off my account.

  20. Emilie April 21, 2020 at 3:13 pm

    Hmmm.. Maybe take a cooking class? Then you can make everything taste good.

    Use with spices you like, or in curry. Make your own hummus? My hummus basically just taste lemon, parsley and tahini – with a chickpea base.

  21. ROSE THOREAU April 22, 2020 at 11:01 am

    NC politicians are making a mint selling chickpeas to food banks …..Farmers can’t sell the disgusting weed beans……so the families of needy kids get the nasty little buggers for dinner.., THIS IS A DISGRACE …..Eight cans of the peas were lined up at the city dump yesterday….no one would take them.
    Wild animals won’t eat them….I opened two cans to see if the opossums would …..not a chance…

  22. Dee May 26, 2020 at 4:47 pm

    I have never laughed…so hard…over a bean…🤣🤣🤣

  23. Danika June 21, 2020 at 11:57 am

    If I was a “joiner” I’d totally join your group against the consumption of chickpeas. Thank you for validating my disgust of garbanzo beans, and for the handy tips on how to handle undesired encounters with it.

  24. Amanda August 2, 2020 at 10:36 am

    Chickpeas are the real root of all evil. Also, I advise against reading anymore of her blog if you don’t like her writing style. The relatability and hilarity will surely ruin your day.

  25. Col January 28, 2021 at 12:21 am

    Fantastic. I literally googled “chickpeas are awful” to see if anyone agreed with me and found this. I’ve been trying to find healthier snack options lately and there’s a surprising range of chickpea snacks at my local Walmart, and I can now say they’re all awful. Bought honey roasted chickpeas, realized I meant to get salted once, both were awful. Then weeks later an item I had saved came available and I bought them, some sort of chickpea barbecue chip. I ate one, spat it out cause it tasted like a dirty road tire, and then looked at wtf these things were made cursed myself.

  26. Mary March 29, 2021 at 1:27 pm

    Perfect post that reflects my exact feelings !!!

  27. Keely April 12, 2021 at 7:46 pm

    I tested a roasted chickpea recipe tonight and despised it. And definitely just did the same thing, google searched to find my people. Thank you for your work.

  28. Fay August 27, 2021 at 3:38 am

    I so desperately wanted to try chickpeas after reading this i think not btw the writer of this is brilliant i laughed so hard enjoyed this article especially the recipes very talented i must say well done

  29. Sefelon September 14, 2021 at 11:04 pm



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