A Lazy Girl’s Guide to Natural, Bullshit-Free Weightloss

People ask me all the time how I lost approx 70 lbs after my second baby and almost 50 lbs after my third. it can be so hard to lose weight, and the fact that I did so TWICE after a lifetime of struggling seems like it must have been a miracle.

The truth is, I did it in a completely natural, totally FREE way… it was…

…wait for it….


Boring, I know (I’m so sorry!).

The truth is, when I tell someone how easy it was to lose the weight just by doing these things, I can practically see their eyes glaze over. In the past when I lost weight from pills or different diet methods, I usually got a far more enthusiastic response. And I was the same.

No one wants to hear about your lettuce and neighborhood walks, Carol. GIMME THEM RESULTS.

I think the reason for this is that we all tend to look for things that are easy and simple. But the (very boring) truth is that healthy lifestyle changes like eating differently (not deprivation- no one has time for that shit) can be TOTALLY EASY and SUPER SIMPLE.

The following is a list of the things that I did to try and become healthier as a whole, which had the added side effect of helping me lose hella pounds (without being a dick about it).

OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER- I am NOT a doctor or dietician. These strategies are used to guide my own journey and are approved by my physician based on my own individual health profile. These tips are based on my personal experiences, values and lifestyle. Before starting any health, fitness or diet program it is imperative you consult a Doctor to ensure your safety and wellbeing. Cool?

A Lazy Girl’s Guide to Natural Bullshit-Free Weightloss

  • Drink lots of water. I drink pretty much all water (Yes it’s boring, but I gotchu with these simple tricks in this post) or tea because I don’t want to drink up empty calories. When I quit soda and diet soda I lost almost 15 lbs immediately.
  • Try to avoid sugar and fake sweeteners. This one is difficult but eating a LOT of fruit makes it easier. Don’t hate me, Keto people. If you want to learn a TON of reasons to avoid sugar I seriously recommend watching Sugar Coated (should be on Netflix). If the dangers to your health won’t help you make the switch, learning how the industry has no regard for the health of its consumers will. Personally, I was also trying to avoid Stevia and honey as well but that is just because they have similar physiological effects on the body and I have exactly ZERO chill when it comes to sweet things. Am I always successful? Oh hell no. But I try, and that helps me be more mindful about how much I consume.
  • Eat a Mainly Plant Based Diet- Although I’m not vegetarian I consume verrrry little meat products. Aside from being better for you health in terms of your risk of heart disease and other serious illnesses, the consumption of animals and animal products from large scale agribusiness has a huge negative effect on the environment. Some may (justifiably) argue for going vegan or vegetarian for these reasons but this is not realistic for me at this point, so I just try to drastically reduce the amount I consume. If you wanna get some extra woke-points from this, try and get products from ethical sources and support local farming when you can.
  • Make whatever you can from scratch– I try to make my own Sauces, marinades and spice blends. Aside from saving money these contain less sugar and salt and are free of additives. This sounds harder than it was- most of my sauces were simply spices in some oil/vinegar/lemon or lime juice. I always used the shit I already had in the cupboard.
  • Plan Ahead- a little planning can go a long way for sticking with your goals. Try meal prepping and meal planning to try and make healthy eating just as convenient as face fucking a bag of takeout.
  • Move More- Doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it!! I lost a huge amount of weight by mainly just walking. This helped me get strong enough to start jogging and doing little bitch weights!
  • EAT WHAT YOU LOVE. Seriously. Don’t deprive yourself, eat delicious, gorgeous food that you cant wait to consume. It might take some trial and error but it can be really fun to experiment in the kitchen and learn to make shit you’re genuinely excited to eat.

The Mental Aspect

I have found that getting TRULY healthy required a few mental “reboots”. These were:

  • “If I eat unhealthy my day is shot”- not true. You have to become an expert at picking yourself back up and keep on keeping on. This is hard, but doable. Eventually you will be able to stop the cycle while you’re in it (if you tend to binge out like me) breathe, let go and start over. Where in life does one choice determine success or failure? Nowhere. And it doesn’t apply here either.
  • “I want to lose X amount of weight in X amount of time”- Why the pressure? This is a great way to sabotage yourself and set yourself up for failure. Let it happen and do the work. The timeline will do as it will. Once I stopped thinking this way I was way better at handling setbacks and sticking to behaviors consistent with my goals.
  • “I lost then gained so I feel like giving up”- Ok, so check out my graph. You can see 2 postpartum periods, one pregnancy and a dramatic loss (and another in progress). Pay close attention to the downward trend. See how it zig zags?? Weight loss is not linear! Don’t give up. Instead of making changes to lose weight, do it to get healthy. The rest will fall into place. Trust me!

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