As a woman in my mid thirties who is trying to be healthy, crafty, and PICTURE PERFECT IN EVERY GODDAMN WAY I do love me some Pinterest.

If you aren’t familiar, Pinterest is a visual search engine that features content from a lot of sources, but mostly pretty blogs. I’ll skip a long explanation and just describe it like this:

Unicorn Cakes!

The Perfect Eyebrow tutorial!

Mason Jar errythang!

Capsule Wardrobes!

Cartoon Themed Birthday Parties!

Smoothies!

Recipe Roundups!

And so much more!

This post contains affiliate links to finance my many many mason jars. For more info on affiliate links, click here! Your support is much appreciated!

Pinteresting Bullshit

While Pinterest has been the source of many amazing recipes, frugal living tips and other general “aha!” type shit, there have also been many things on Pinterest that did NOT work out so well for me.

Now just to be clear this isn’t a “Pinterest fail” type of post… Instead of describing my tragic experiences making rainbow cupcakes what I AM going to do is come after your faves.

via GIPHY

That’s right- I am going to talk about the way some of the most popular things that have trended on Pinterest did not live up to my very lofty expectations. These are things that have a rabid fanbase too (*ahem* bullet journals *ahem*) or are just generally popular and beloved by so many people that I thought there MUST be something wrong with me to have had such a different outcome.

I present to you: My Pinterest Shit List.

Mason Jar Salads

Mason Jar Salads on Pinterest

Let me tell you about one of the times I tried to hop on the healthy living strugglebus and saw this super cute idea for twee little salads in a jar.

How fun!

I dragged ass to the store and stocked up on mason jars, veggies, everything I needed to create these little beauties for myself. “I’ll take them to work” I thought, feeling quite pleased with myself as I assembled 5 days worth of these salads and lined them up in my fridge in a pretty little row.

Cut to day 1 where I nearly starved to death because Mama needs a lot more food than will fit in a fucking mason jar.

Which brings us to Act 2, where I took the other 4 jars and promptly dumped them all into the biggest, baddest serving bowl I had because life is too short for tiny fucking salads.

#Neveragain Pinterest.

Overnight Oats

Overnight Oats on Pinterest

Have you heard that saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”? Well the shame is on me because this is the part where I fell for that mason jar bullshit AGAIN.

Now to get things crystal clear, I actually adore mason jars. I use them for smoothies, spice mixes, and to catch household ghosts.

Check out this dope Mason Jar Windowsill Herb Garden Tutorial!

However, not only are they too small to hold a decent sized salad, they are completely not to be trusted to make your breakfast for you.

Overnight oats are when you put oats in a jar with some yogurt or milk or whatever and voila! Add toppings and you have this amazing little breakfast that the jar makes for you (or something like that).

Considering the sheer amount of new jars that I had purchased to make those bloody salads I thought “oh hell, I’ll give it a go”.

SHAME. ON. ME.

I don’t really know what to say other than these were gross. I know so many people who eat these every day and love them. I don’t get it, but I am a good friend who tries not to fucking judge. But I’ll be damned if I am going to trust a glass jar to do the heavy lifting on my breakfast again.

#lessonlearned Pinterest.

Sheet Pan Dinners

Sheet Pan Meals on Pinterest

So this one surprisingly did make the list even though I actually love sheet pan cooking and do it all the time. However I make it just for ME.

Sheet pan meals are when you take a bunch of food, put it on a sheet pan and cook it in the oven. Easy peasy right? As I said, I actually do this a lot- I will chop up veggies and roast them, drizzled with some olive oil and spices- YUM! I have never done this with meat on the pan as well because I’m not a huge meat eater, and I question how things will turn out if done all together- things take different amounts of time to cook. However the biggest barrier for me is the reality of feeding my whole family this way.

You see, I have 5 people in my household, including a teenage boy and a husband. Add my appetite to that, then factor in the kids, and I am over here having a big fucking laugh at all the folks claiming to feed their family off a goddamn cookie sheet.

In order to replicate this my cookie sheet would need to be bigger than any damn oven I have ever seen. When I do sheet pan veggies for myself I FILL an entire cookie sheet, put it in a large serving bowl (as you can see she gets some good use round here) and eat it. By myself, no sharesies.

#notpractical Pinterest.

Bullet Journals

Bullet Journal on Pinterest

Ugh this one pains me, even more than the rest. All of the things on this list I WANT to love. And I want to love the bullet journal most of all.

I look at them constantly, I think about them, they are like porn for my hot mess, disorganized soul.

I am dying to be a bullet journal person. Deep down I know that this, THIS is the system that will give me planner peace.

So after many months of research and oggling them online, I spent a gross amount of money on the perfect book to use, fancy ass colored pens etc. I had my ideas, my layouts, everything was all planned out.

A dramatic re-enactment of what happened next:

“Oh fuck I made a mistake, do I white it out? I cant white it out… I got IVORY paper! Ok, just try to ignore it. My hand is shaking, am I sweating? Who turned up the heat? Oh shit, I forgot to add that thing, maybe I should start over?”

Here’s the part where I wake up and it’s been three weeks, I haven’t eaten or showered and my children are wandering door to door in diapers with soot on their faces like they walked straight out of a fucking Dickens novel.

#I’msorryIdon’thavetimeforthis Pinterest.

I Still Love You Pinterest

Even though I get the feeling that this may only be Part 1.

Tell me about your Pinterest experiences!

Pinteresting Bullshit Pin

 

 

 

 

(Visited 291 times, 1 visits today)

24 Comments

  1. gwennym April 10, 2018 at 7:04 am

    LOL … damn Pinterest … always making me feel like a slacker.

    Reply
  2. The Lockwood Echo April 10, 2018 at 7:07 am

    My only real Pinterest experience is when I recently realised I’d been looking at stuff via my EX-BOSS’S ACCOUNT! Long story. Logged out. Too scared to go back πŸ˜‰ Pinterest gives me the vibe it’s full of people who knit their own organic yoghurt. There is so much inspiration in there, lots of Oohs & Aahs, and I love a life-hack as much as the next loser. But at the same time it makes me feel totally inadequate for not having bunting round my toilet.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      Omg I want to hear more about this story πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Reply
      1. The Lockwood Echo April 12, 2018 at 12:22 am

        I may tell it once I’ve stopped having nightmares about it!

        Reply
        1. MandiEm April 12, 2018 at 6:33 am

          LOL I’ll be here waiting bahahah

          Reply
  3. floweringink April 10, 2018 at 7:09 am

    You are the only person who can make me laugh, I mean totally crack up, when I have no idea what you are talking about. It doesn’t matter that I have no idea what pinterest is, you are hysterical always!!!!!! Adore you lady!

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      Omg thank you so much ❀❀

      Reply
  4. Monica April 10, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Hahaha!! Love this. I can relate to every single one of these. The sheet pan thing really pissed me off.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      It’s so impractical hey

      Reply
  5. Amy April 10, 2018 at 10:19 am

    I am dying! πŸ˜‚ I love Pinterest SO MUCH and it breaks my heart a little every time I try something I’ve pinned to, once again, remind myself of my immense lack of patience. It’s a vicious cycle.. πŸ€£πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:16 pm

      Bahaha we are all Pinterests bitches πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Reply
  6. madmegsblog April 10, 2018 at 10:39 am

    Thanks for the laughs and the heads up. Ugh the Bullet Journal thing rubs me in all the wrong ways! Glad I’m not the only one. Also, the sheet cooking…..ya, even in my relatively small family (eldest has flown the coop) of only boys left…it’s safe to say this ends up being a side dish only mom eats! We have Mason jars galore because in this family we actually use them to can with lol; but jars of salad? All I can think of is me dropping said jar on the floor at work and having to clean up my lettuce, glass and dignity on my lunch break.
    Also, no one loves rose gold THAT much, Pinterest. Get it together!

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:16 pm

      Omg yes. Some bloggers out there need to calm down with the rose gold. It looks like kidney stone urine LOL

      Reply
      1. madmegsblog April 11, 2018 at 9:17 pm

        Right?? What was once so pretty is now reduced to kidney stone urine. Best description ever!

        Reply
  7. MsCupcakeasaurus April 10, 2018 at 11:06 am

    As always, I LOVE your take on life and the humor you add to things the rest of us are thinking! The Bullet journal is totally one of my hate to hate it items. I tried. It just didn’t work out. I’m going to have to dig through my boards again to find some other great things to hate about Pinterest.

    Reply
  8. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad April 10, 2018 at 4:16 pm

    Whenever I allow myself to be drawn into Pinterest, I’m stuck there for a while until I realize I’m somewhere in a deep layer about macaroni and cheese cupcakes or some other bizarre concoction. I try to avoid it.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 9:15 pm

      Lmao Mac and cheeze ftw

      Reply
  9. The Cupcake Witch April 10, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    I clicked through the links on the bullet journal to see what you deemed to be the perfect book and pens and AHAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE BOTH OF THOSE SITTING UNUSED IN A DRAWER! I also love the *idea* of a bullet journal, but lack the fine motor skills and time to design every page of my fkn planner. I use a Passion Planner, now, because my class schedule is easier to track with an hourly layout. I love it.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm April 11, 2018 at 1:40 pm

      The pens weren’t the same ones (I couldn’t find them) but the lechterm was

      Reply
      1. The Cupcake Witch April 11, 2018 at 10:25 pm

        They’re good pens, from the test I did. But they’ve been sitting in my drawer for so long, I’m sure they’ve dried out.

        Reply
  10. Melissa April 18, 2018 at 10:11 am

    Pinterest makes me feel inadequate, so I try to avoid it. Related: I’ve been wanting to start a site called “dispinterested.” Like, here’s where I pin average shit, like not-annoyingly-perfect party ideas and social media stock photos that weren’t staged by photography wizards.

    I started bullet journaling for my planner, but it only works for me because I SET OUT to do it fugly. I have three sections: schedule, tasks, and notes. Divided by wobbly, crooked lines.

    Reply
  11. Kriss Judd April 25, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    You just need to get you some gallon-sized mason jars for your salads in jars. And if that’s not big enough, you could use those jugs that go on water coolers. I mean, you might have to empty your fridge of all other contents to make it fit, but you could dump everything onto 13 cookie sheets to cook in a complex rotation governed by a meticulous formula that will ensure everyone’s food is 57% overcooked, 19% raw in the middle, and 24% just right, 41 minutes pay dinner time.

    Reply
  12. Scribbles and Tostitos May 6, 2018 at 7:00 am

    When I was planning my wedding, my florist suggested I share my wedding inspiration boards with her so it will be easy for her to design the perfect floral arrangement. It took a few weeks, but I finally found the perfect bridal bouquet for me to carry. Excited, I shared the bouquet with her. She didn’t respond to my message, which was unlike her. When we finally talked on the phone, she said that the flowers on my board were pretty but they didn’t grow in nature naturally. I was stunned. The perfect bouquet didn’t exist, so now I had to go back onto pinterest and find a more realistic bouquet. I was pissed.

    Reply

Leave a Reply