Today I went to the grocery store with my 2 little ones. BAD IDEA.

Shopping with kids meme

I had about 4 items and decided to go through the self checkout. If you have ever done this you know that self checkout is a fickle bitch and for the love of God don’t breathe on the fucking scale or it will ask you to “remove item from the bagging area” and freeze up because that’s just what machines do to us fleshbags for shits and giggles.

via GIPHY

My baby has this habit of screaming at the top of her lungs, but when I say scream I mean it’s more of a piercing shriek. One of these days my skin will turn itself inside out because the noise just makes your system go haywire. It’s indescribable.

So I am trying to check out my oranges or whatever and my 3 year old leans on platform where the bags are.

“Please remove item from the bagging area”

The screen freezes up. “Honey stop please you are confusing the computer, don’t lean on that”.

As I was saying this my baby shrieked and threw her boots. I turned around and went to pick them up and when I turned around 3 was leaning in the platform again.

“Please remove item from the bagging area”

“Stop it!” I said “you are confusing the computer!!”. The screen froze. My baby shrieked and threw her shoes again. Does any human person fucking work here? I am desperate to pay for my shit and leave. My three year old starts shaking the stanchion and people in the lineups nearby start to watch the dumpster fire theatre that is unfolding before them.

I turn to pick up her shoes. “I’m keeping these you can have them back later”. She shrieks. I turn around and 3 is leaning on the fucking platform again. I start to sweat. “PLEASE REMOVE ITEM FROM THE BAGGING AREA”

Dont shop with kids meme

I officially lose my shit. I pick up my 3 year old. “I NEED YOU TO STOP YOU ARE CONFUSING THE COMPUTER!” I forget I am holding my wallet which is open so the contents spill all over the floor. My baby shrieks. I am now standing in a pile of about $15 dollars worth of scattered nickels and old Safeway receipts. My son kicks and screams. My baby shrieks and throws her hat.

“Please return item to the bagging area”

 

And now it’s official I am dead inside. And all I can think is that the robot uprising in movies is highly glamorized because it’s already here friends, and it is just as fucking mundane and soul crushing as everything else in life.

via GIPHY

Share with a Mom so she feels less alone. Or better yet, share with a pregnant lady because that’s even funnier.

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11 Comments

  1. DGGYST February 22, 2018 at 9:53 am

    Ahahaha! Oh god! I see thinks like this happen in the store and it makes me want to carry a flask around with me for these mothers!

    Reply
    1. MandiEm February 22, 2018 at 10:16 am

      The smart moms carry their own lol

      Reply
  2. The Cupcake Witch February 22, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    I hope when you got home you had a nice big glass of wine. Or a whole box of chocolate.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm February 23, 2018 at 7:23 am

      I wish lol I just had to wrestle the kids to nap hahaha

      Reply
      1. The Cupcake Witch February 23, 2018 at 9:57 am

        Aaaaaaaand I realized as soon as I hit “send” that you said wrestle the kids TO nap, not wrestle then AND nap. Oops lol!

        Reply
        1. MandiEm February 23, 2018 at 2:44 pm

          Hahaha no worries there’s usually a nap at the end of the tunnel despite the hardship getting there

          Reply
  3. iwannabealady February 23, 2018 at 7:18 am

    I used to burn the fuck up when I’d hear that “unscanned item has been placed in bagging area” or whatever the heck it says, and I’d look over and it was ONCE AGAIN my kid leaning on the thing. Talk about feeling my inner raving lunatic wanting to come out, lol. Ah, motherhood.

    Reply
    1. MandiEm February 23, 2018 at 7:34 am

      Right?!? They know how to unleash the crazy that’s for sure

      Reply
  4. girlwithissuess February 23, 2018 at 8:33 am

    My kiddos are older….. which you would think, they would understand when I tell them not to touch the damn thing. But, they have selective hearing and think it is funny when Mommy talks to inanimate objects or uses curse words that would make a sailor blush. Oh they joys of parenthood and technology.

    Reply
  5. Husna Shaikh February 23, 2018 at 9:09 am

    True Story! Shopping with my 2.5 year old is like shopping with a drunk old lady who smiles, cries and screams all at the same time! Thank you for sharing!

    Reply

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